1. Bengali Babu (With no apologies to my Bengali Friends!) After all the Sardar jokes Now it’s the turn of the ‘Bongs’!!!! What do you call a mad Bengali? —- In Sen. 2. Chattopadya, a Bengali, was on the dole in England but about to fly home to watch the Mohun Bagan v. East Bengal football final and was not feeling well, so he decided to see a doctor. “Hey doc, not feeling good, kya” said Chatto.
The second Brit doctor gave Chatto the same diagnosis and also advised him that testicular removal was the only cure. Not surprisingly, Chatto refused the treatment. JUST FUNNY………..
Interviewer : Let me check your word Power…
Banta :Ok Sir ….Interviewer : Tell me the opposite of ……good.Banta :hmmmm….. BadInterviewer : Come Banta : Go. Interviewer : Ugly . Banta : Pichlli. Interviewer : PICHLLIIIII? Banta : UGLYYYYYYYYY. . Interviewer : Shut Up. Banta : Keep Talking. Interviewer :ok now stop these all.. Banta :ok now carry on this all Interviewer :abe…chup ho ja..chup ho ja..chup ho jaaaa Banta :abe bolta rah..bolta rah…bolta rahhh Interviewer :Areeee yaaar Banta : areeee dushmannnnnn Interviewer : Get Out. Banta : Come In. Interviewer : Oh my God. Banta : Oh my Devil. Interviewer : U r Rejected. Banta : I m selected…I M SELECTED???REALLY? ? BALLE BALLE…O BALLE BALLE…O BALLE BALLE…. TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ? CLASS: Maria. ____________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’ GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’ TEACHER: No, that’s wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. (I Love this child) ____________________________________________ TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O. __________________________________ TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are. _______________________________________ TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘ I. ’ MILLIE: I is.. TEACHER: No, Millie….. Always say, ‘I am.’ MILLIE: All right… ’I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’ ________________________________ TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand…. ______________________________________ TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook. ______________________________ TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s.. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog. (I want to adopt this kid!!!) ___________________________________ TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher What is d height of…..???? Very Funny
1. What is height of Fashion?
Ans: Dhoti with a zip.
2. What is height of Secrecy?
Ans: Offering blank visiting cards.
3. What is height of Active laziness?
Ans : Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
4. What is height of Craziness?
Ans : Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.
5. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Ans : Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
6. What is height of Stupidity?
Ans : A person looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
7. What is height of Honesty?
Ans : A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
8. What is height of Suicide?
Ans : A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
9. What is height of De-hydration?
Ans : A cow giving milk powder.
10. What is Height of Kanjoosi ?
Ans : Banta’s house has caught fire and he is giving miss calls to the
Fire brigade!!!
MONDAY The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex… The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying, |
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| TUESDAYA man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher’s hand. He said, ‘Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!’ The preacher said, ‘Thank you sir, but I’d rather you didn’t use profanity.’ The man said, ‘I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!’ The preacher said, ‘No shit?’ |
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| WEDNESDAYBrenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis. After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, ‘Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.’ The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table. ‘Gee, Mom,’ he exclaimed. ‘For me?’ ‘Just take two,’ Brenda replied. ‘The rest are for your father.’ |
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| THURSDAYOne night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman.. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense. ‘Your Honor,’ she began coolly, ‘I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.’ | |
| FRIDAYA Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa . ‘The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?’ After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, ‘Wedding Cake.’ | |
| SATURDAYBob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, ‘Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?’ Bob replies, ‘Girlfriend? She’s my wife!’ They are knocked over, but continue to ask. ‘So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?’ ‘I lied about my age’, Bob replies. ‘What, did you tell her you were only 50?’ Bob smiles and says, ‘No, I told her I was 90.’ | |
| SUNDAY Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland .. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat’s milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. ‘These’ she explained, ‘Are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.’ She then asked, ‘What do you do in America with your old goats?’ A spry old gentleman answered, ‘They send us on bus tours! |
Interviewer:
what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October
Which year?
Sardar: Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR
Manager asked sardar at an interview.
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.
After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
One tourist from U.S.A. asked Sardar:
Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!
Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sardar writes, “Gandi was a great man, but I don’t know who is Jayanthi.
Interviewer: just imagine you are on the3rd floor, it caught fire
and how will you escape?
Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!
Sardar: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..
Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new
Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Sardar: Wow!!! That’s an unbelievable exchange offer!!!
Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sardar: ZEBRA
Teacher: How?
Sardar: Bcoz it is Black & White
Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.
Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay ..
While its landing he shouted: ” Bombay .. Bombay “
Air hostess said: “B silent.”
Sardar: “Ok.. Ombay. Ombay”
Teacher: “What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?”
Sardar: “All are born on government holidays…!!!
It’s not possible to
understand Engineers.
Let’s just say…
they are strange!!
Guitar, for sale…….. Cheap……. . …….no strings attached.
Ad In Hospital Waiting Room:
Smoking Helps You Lose Weight … One Lung At A Time!
On a bulletin board:
Success Is Relative. The more The Success, The more The Relatives.
When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking…
I Gave Up Reading
My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn’t Need Glasses….
He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.
You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When:
Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick..
Or when your Son starts To wipe It Off
Sign In A Bar:
‘Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please do Pay In Advance.’
Sign In Driving School:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don’t Stand In Her Way…..
Behind Every Great Man,
There Is A Surprised Woman.
The Reason Men Lie:
Because women Ask too Many Questions..
Getting Caught
Is The Mother Of Invention.
Laugh And The World Laughs With You,
Snore And You sleep Alone
The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe
Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.
Sign At A Barber’s Saloon In Detroit :
We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business..
Sign In A Restaurant:
All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager…
Understanding Engineers #1
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.” The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you anyway.”
Understanding Engineers #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!” The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept golf!” The priest said, “Here comes the green-keeper. Let’s have a word with him.” He said, “Hello, George. What’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?” The green-keeper replied, “Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.” The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.” The doctor said, “Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything she can do for them.” The engineer said, “Why can’t they play at night?”
Understanding Engineers #4
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers #5
The graduate with a science degree asks, “Why does it work?” The graduate with an engineering degree asks, “How does it work?” The graduate with an accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?” The graduate with an arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”
Understanding Engineers #6
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.” Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.” The last one said, “No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”
Understanding Engineers #7
Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers #8
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.” Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess and that I’ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?” The engineer said, “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog – now that’s cool.”
Arrested for laughing!! This is from an actual trial in UK.
A young Woman who was several months pregnant was sitting in a bus. When she
noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of
her condition.
She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on
seeing him laughing more, she filed a court case on him.
In the court the Man’s defence was:
When the lady boarded the bus I couldn’t help noticing she was pregnant. She sat
under an advertisement, which read ‘Coming Soon- The unknown boon’..
I was even more amused when she then sat under a shaving advertisement, which
read:’William’s stick did the trick’..
Then I could not control myself any longer, when on the third move she sat under
an advertisement, which read: ‘Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this
accident..
The case was dismissed..n judge laughed 2 death.
Spotted in a toilet of a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.
In a London Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
Outside a London second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a London conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR, THE BELL DOESN’T WORK)
Some Stunningly Hilarious One Liners
Manager: “What can I do?
Husband: “Kamine, khidki nahi khul rahi hai.”
Interviewer: What isaskeleton?
Santa: Skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!
Jailor: You will be hanged at 5:00am.
Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Jailor: Why do you laugh?
Sardar: I wake up at 9:00am!
Santa ki chatri me hole tha, kisine pucha, umbrella mein hole kyu?
Sardar bola: Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega.
Teacher: Translate – Bazaar mein goliyan chal rahi hain..
Santa: The Tablets are walking in the market..
Santa’s girfriend: Meri maa aapko bahut pasand karti hai.
Santa, after a deep thought: Kuchh bhi ho jaye, shaadi to main tujhse
hi karunga!
Santa: Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18yrs & marriage age 21yrs?
Banta: Govt. knows it is easy to manage the country but difficult to manage the wife.
Santa was sad, his friend asked him “What happened.”
Santa: “My friend borrowed 3Lakhs for a plastic surgery, now I cannot recognize him.”
Why did Santa sleep with a scale?
Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept.
Driver: Sir ji, petrol khatam ho gaya , gaadi aage nahi ja sakti.
Banta:-Chalo Phir, wapis le chalo..
Santa: Look your wife is bit by a snake.
Banta: No tensions, the snake is refilling the venom.
Santa bought a car on loan… He didn’t pay the dues, the bank took away his car.
Santa: If I knew this, I’d have taken a loan for my marriage also.
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Santa sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work. 10 LAWS OF COMPUTING 1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. 2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete. 4. When the going gets tough, upgrade. 5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction. 7. He who laughs last, probably has a back-up. 8. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions. 10. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do. |
