Quotable Quotes
GREAT TRUTHS
1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress. — John Adams
2. If you don’t read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. — Mark Twain
3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself. — Mark Twain
4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. — Winston Churchill
5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. — George Bernard Shaw
6. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. — G. Gordon Liddy
7. Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. — James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)
8. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. — Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University
9. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. — P.J. O’Rourke, Civil Libertarian
10. Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. — Frederic Bastiat, French economist(1801-1850)
11. Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. — Ronald Reagan (1986)
12. I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. — Will Rogers
13. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it’s free! — P.J. O’Rourke
14. In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. — Voltaire (1764)
15. Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn’t mean politics won’t take an interest in you! — Pericles (430 B.C.)
16. No man’s life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. — Mark Twain (1866)
17. Talk is cheap…except when Congress does it. — Anonymous
18. The government is like a baby’s alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. — Ronald Reagan
19. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. — Winston Churchill
20. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. — Mark Twain
21. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. — Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)
22. There is no distinctly Native American criminal class…save Congress. — Mark Twain
23. What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. — Edward Langley, Artist (1928-1995)
24. A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. — Thomas Jefferson
25. We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. — Aesop FIVE BEST SENTENCES 1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealth out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without working for…another person must work for without receiving.
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work, because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work, because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation!
CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY …
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up woman’s leg will not find nuts.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who
runs behind car gets exhausted.
Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It takes many nails to build a crib but only one screw to fill it.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man’s well often catch crabs.
Finally CONFUCIUS DID SAY …
“A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood !
Humor from Great Minds:
“As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two… ”
Sir Norman Wisdom
” One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money. ”
Edgar Watson Howe
” A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!”
Doug Larson
” A harmful truth is always better then..a useful lie! ”
Eric Bolton
“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. ”
Erno Philips
” I only go to work on days that don’t end in a ‘y’. ”
Robert Paul
” We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. ”
Phyllis Diller
“Laughter is the closest distance between two people. ”
Victor Borge
“Start every day with a smile and get it over with. ”
W.C. Fields
“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. ”
Will Rogers
” Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day. ”
Mickey Rooney
“Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children.
Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work or prison. ”
Tim Allen
” I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens. ”
Woody Allen
” Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.”
Erica Jong
“Don’t take life too seriously, you’ll never get out of it alive. ”
Elbert Hubbard
” Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. ”
Wendell Johnson
” In life, it’s not who you know that’s important, it’s how your wife found out. ”
Joey Adams
” I’ve been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she’ll kill me.”
Henry Youngman
“Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born ? ”
Benny Hill
1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress.
– John Adams
2. If you don’t read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.
– Mark Twain
3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself.
– Mark Twain
4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
– Winston Churchill
5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
– George Bernard Shaw
6. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.
– G. Gordon Liddy
7. Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
– James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)
8. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
– Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University
9. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
– P.J. O’Rourke, Civil Libertarian 10. Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.– Frederic Bastiat, French econo mist(1801-1850)11. Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
– Ronald Reagan(1986) 12. I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
– Will Rogers
13. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it’s free!– P.J. O’Rourke
14. In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
– Voltaire(1764)
15. Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn’t mean politics won’t take an interest in you!
– Pericles (430B.C.)
16. No man’s life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.– Mark Twain(1866)
17. Talk is cheap…except when Congress does it.
–Anonymous
18. The government is like a baby’s alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.
– Ronald Reagan
19. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
– Winston Churchill
20. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.– Mark Twain
21. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. – Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)
22. There is no distinctly Native American criminal class…save Congress.– Mark Twain 23. What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
– Edward Langley, Artist (1928-1995)
24. A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
– Thomas Jefferson 25. We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.–Aesop
FIVE BEST SENTENCES 1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity.
2.What one person receives without working for…another person must work for without receiving
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work, because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work, because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation!
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Never ask for a lighter rain.
Just pray for a better umbrella. That is attitude.
Life is not about finding the right person,
but creating the right relationship,
it’s not how we care in the beginning,
but how much we care till ending. Some people always throw stones in your path. It depends on you what you make with them, Wall or Bridge? Remember you are the architect of your life.
When flood comes, fish eat ants and when flood recedes, ants eat fish. Only time matters. Just hold on, God gives opportunity to everyone!
Every problem has (n+1) solutions, where n is the number of solutions that you have tried and 1 is that you have not tried. That’s life.
It’s not important to hold all the good cards in life. But it’s important how well you play with the cards which you hold.
Often when we lose all hope and think this is the end,
God smiles from above and says,
relax dear its just a bend. Not the end.
Have Faith and have a successful life.
One of the basic differences between God and human is,
God gives, gives and forgives.
But human gets, gets, gets and forgets.
Be thankful in life!
Only two types of persons are happy in this world.
1st is Mad and 2nd is Child.
Be Mad to achieve what you desire and
be a Child to enjoy what you have achieved!
Never play with the feelings of others because you may win the game but the risk is that you will surely loose the person for life time.
The world suffers a lot. Not because of the violence of bad people;
but because of the silence of good people!
I am thankful to all those who said “NO” to me; its because of them I did it myself.
If friendship is your weakest point then you are the strongest person in the world.
Laughing faces do not mean that there is absence of sorrow! But it means that they have the ability to deal with it.
Opportunities are like sunrises,
if you wait too long you can miss them.
When you are in the light, everything follows you,
but when you enter into the dark,
even your own shadow doesn’t follow you.
Coin always makes sound
but the currency notes are always silent.
So when your value increases keep yourself calm silent.
It is very easy to defeat someone;
but it is very hard to win over someone.
A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a
sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the
reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is
frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect. For this reason, it is
extremely popular among comedians and satirists. I hope you enjoy these!
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I
stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat
you with experience.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not
screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in
a garage makes you a car.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak.
If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a
fruit salad.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’ and then proceed
to tell you why it isn’t.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is
research.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train
stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?
Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you
can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can
train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
I didn’t say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars
but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and
50 for Miss America ?
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a
successful man is usually another woman.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to
skydive twice.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that
you will look forward to the trip.
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you
wish they were.
Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department
usually uses water.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit
the target.
Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no
imagination whatsoever.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as
when you are in it.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Robert Anthony Quotes
Courage is simply the willingness to be afraid and act anyway.
If you are not leaning, no one will ever let you down.
If you find a good solution and become attached to it, the solution may become your next problem.
If you let other people do it for you, they will do it to you.
Live as though it were your last day on earth. Some day you will be right.
Most people would rather be certain they’re miserable, than risk being happy.
Moving fast is not the same as going somewhere.
Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge, others just gargle.
The best way to escape from your problem is to solve it.
The one who loves the least, controls the relationship.
The opposite of bravery is not cowardice but conformity.
We fear the thing we want the most.
We neither get better or worse as we get older, but more like ourselves.
When it becomes more difficult to suffer than to change… you will change.
When you blame others, you give up your power to change.
George Bernard Shaw
He who can does — he who cannot, teaches.
[Edit note with due apologies to the teachers out there: This is not meant to be offensive. In fact, I think that G B Shaw himself was trying to be funny here. We love you teachers.]
Oscar Wilde
I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.
Jerry Seinfield
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God’s final word on where your lips end.
Mel Brooks
I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I’m one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know.
George Bernard Shaw
Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
Groucho Marx
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
Bill Cosby
A word to the wise ain’t necessary — it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.
Peter De Vries
My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too.
Nicholas Chamfort
An economist is a surgeon with an excellent scalpel and a rough-edged lancet, who operates beautifully on the dead and tortures the living.
Jilly Cooper
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.
Zig Ziglar
Little men with little minds and little imaginations go through life in little ruts, smugly resisting all changes which would jar their little worlds.
Dennis Miller
A good rule of thumb is if you’ve made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you’ve made a serious vocational error.
Friedrich Nietzsche
Character is determined more by the lack of certain experiences than by those one has had.
Maurice Chevalier
Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it.
David Frost
Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.
Ellen DeGeneres
People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.
William Clayton
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they’re going to be when you kill them.
Anonymous
‘Statistics is like a bikini bathing suit;what it reveals is suggestive while what it does’nt is vital”
Kenneth Grahme-Scottish Author
The strongest human instinct is to impart information:the second strongest is to resist it’
Sir Winston Churchill
I never worry about action, but only inaction.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you are likely to see.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
I am certainly not one of those who need to be prodded. In fact, if anything, I am the prod.
Perfectionism spells paralysis.
There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction.
Courage is the first of human qualities, because it is the quality which guarantees all others.
Personally, I’m always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.
There is only one duty, one safe course, and that is to try to be right.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
Sure I am of this, that you have only to endure to conquer. You have only to persevere to save yourselves.
Perhaps it is better to be irresponsible and right, than to be responsible and wrong.
There are plenty of good ideas if only they can be backed with the power of action.
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
I am certainly not one of those who need to be prodded. In fact, if anything, I am the prod.
Sure I am of this, that you have only to endure to conquer. You have only to persevere to save yourselves.
It is no use in saying, “we are doing our best.” You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary.
A fanatic is one who changes his mind and won’t change the subject.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has no heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conversative, has no brains.
“The bend in the road is not the end of the road unless you refuse to make the turn.” -Anonymous
“There is more to life than simply increasing its speed.” — Mahatma Gandhi
“We look forward to the time when the power of love will replace the love of power. Then will our world know the blessings of peace.” — William E. Gladstone
“If you concentrate on finding whatever is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul.” — Rabbi Harold Kushner
“Believe it is possible to solve your problem. Tremendous things happen to the believer. So believe the answer will come. It will.” — Norman Vincent Peale
“There is a Power in us right now which is the same power that swings the planets in their orbits and holds them there.” — Ernest Holmes
“For where your treasure is, there will your he
